I wanted to become an amputee since I was 5 years old. I never saw it in movies, on t.v. or such. I never even watched horror movies, nor knew what amputation was at such a young age. I would picture my left hand and it’s pinky gone, not cut off, but the feeling of knowing “What if it wasn’t there?”. Through my life, this has always been with me. At age 9, I became more involved with it. The urge to wanting it removed become an everyday thought. When I was 10, I know and found out the only way I could rid myself of this and fulfill this childhood desire, was to cut it off.

I see no other recourse. Now some may say I must of had a very bad childhood or I am mentally disturbed. But the fact is, I had a wonderful childhood and I suffer from the same problems most people do everyday. Soo on paper I am an average person, outgoing, I support my local community. I am the guy with a smile, the guy who helps the woman across the street. Anyway, back to when I was growing up. When I was14 I came to know the internet. Now I did not know that there were others out there like me, I just assumed from the age of 11 that only I must of had this desire.

I then found BME and realised, I could not have been more incorrect. I saw pictures , I read text, I even became friends with some amputees. I was lucky, because not everyone could find these people. But I did and I am happy I did. I would speak to people like me through email, discussing how they did theirs and discussing how long they thought of it. I never saw myself as a sick person, I never even saw what I wanted as “sick”. I just saw it as something natural. It has been with me all my life, soo it is something I came to know well and wanted very much. And speaking to other amputees made me very relaxed. I become confident. One day when I was a little older at 16, I revealed this to some members on the old bme bbs and I was downgraded, and called all sorts of names.

Ever since then, I always had a fear of telling people this. I think most people percieve amputees as being “Crazy” or “sick”. And this is the same people that practice large gauge piercing, dermal punching and tongue splitting. It boggles my mind. I have reasearched what I wanted very well and in-depth. One day I will attempt to remove the digit. Here is as follows for me:

Remove the finger at the joint, retract and remove another 6mm of bone, pull the skin over and suture it together.

I believe when done like that produces best results. I cannot speak for all amputees and say we all have had this since childhood, But I will say most of the ones I spoke too have had this desire since childhood. Amputees and wannabes are just like you, and people who get modified. We desire this, and we seek to get it done. One may question why I want this at such a young age, I can answer that. Like I said before, I wanted this all my life, so it comes natural as someone breathing. It is apart of me and I truly believe and feel, as long as I have this pinky tip......I am incomplete. But when it is removed, only then will I feel complete and better about myself.

Other then my pinky tip, I also desire to have both of my pinky toes removed. This is something I thought about for a year or soo. And it is something I will act on ONLY when I have allowed myself a few more years to think about it. This unlike the finger, is strictly for cosmetic reasons and not the reasoning of needing it gone to feel complete. Anyway, If you desire amputation and are a young modder, I recommend you research it and think about it for some time to come. I hope now, maybe, when you hear about a vonlutary amputee, You will know we’re just as normal as you.

-Anonymous