Then it hit me. I wanted a labret. I didn't know that's what it was called, nor anything about it at the time, but I wanted one nonetheless. So a friend of mine directed me to BMEzine.com. I remember yelping on the inside. Feeling uncomfortable, but drawn in by a powerful curiosity. So I charged forth. So much information was at my fingertips, and it was so well written, organized, and presentable. And so I began to read it, at least daily, often for countless hours into the night. Soon the pictures of genitalia shocked me less and less and I became ok with watching countless people express themselves through modification.

Note: I'm not bias. I was uncomfortable because I hadn't seen anything like it before, not that I was against it. I've been raised in a conservative university town in California (USofA), and lived my whole life as a conformist up until powerful events a few years back (late 99).

And back to my "story". Finally I conjured up the guts to ask my parents, being 15 at the time. My dad immediately said no, and my mother thought about it. Finally my dad figured out I wasn't kidding, and my mom finally said ok, but I had a few months until I was 16 and able to get pierced here.

So in the meantime, one random night (not too long before my birthday), my girlfriend proposed she pierce my ears. She found a safety pin and we went to my parents bedroom to do it. My dad offered a hypodermic needle (he's a vet) and I decided that was a good call. My girlfriend then backed out, and my dad ended up finishing the job. There were a few problems, such as the fact that he couldn't get a hoop through the newly acquired 20ga holes, and I ended up with a pair of 20ga gold piercing studs (old ones) in my lobes.

Then came my birthday, along with my labret. I was greeted rudely by the counter man, but the piercer himself is a great guy and has been really great to me. We even hang out every once in a while. More on that story can be read on BME (From Desire to Dedication).

And then I've had my cartilage project. 4 holes (done by the same guy who did my labret, Robert) with two orbitals, with the beads connected via a barbell. It's still healing, and requires constant babying. After 3 months, it still has its ups and downs, but I love it dearly nonetheless.

Otherwise, I've had little to no experience with body mods, besides stretching my lobes (currently at 00ga, planning to go bigger) and my labret (pierced at 14ga, now at 8ga, more plans).

Now, the effect of these mods has been mostly positive. I love them dearly, and love to look in the mirror nowadays. I feel a sense of achievement with my mods, as well as happiness to be able to look the way I desire. Plus, I can blow bubbles out of my lip . Seriously though, it seems difficult to focus in on a feeling well enough to describe how my mods make me feel. But I must say I would be lonely without them.

Now, on the interaction with others I've gotten a lot of negativity. Mostly I get weird looks, or "that's so gross" comments, but I tend to take these to my advantage. I find they help to filter out the worthwhile people from the not-so-worthwhile people. I see someone grow disgusted from the beginning and I know from that point forth that I don't have to waste energy interacting with that person. Go me. The negative energy I get from others only seems to make me stronger.

Then there's the positive response I get from people. For example, my piercer. He loved my ear project that I proposed, and totally was proud of doing it. He told bunches of people about it and put a picture of it in his portfolio (even though it still needs some healing). Plus, my mom, even though at 1st she didn't like my mods, now finds them to be a positive attribute. Then there's my girlfriend, who totally supports me. She even bought me tunnels to complement my 00ga lobes. I find that the positive pieces of commentary make me stronger as well.

Now, there's the constant hindering regret. Am I too young to know what I want? My lobes will never be the same, am I ready to face this? Do I know what I'm doing? Yet regret never finds a home inside of me. I know that I like my mods now, I know that I did them because I desired them, and I know that I'm ok with who I am. If I change who I want to be later on, I'll do so with my mods, or deal with the consequences. I figure even if I do not want my mods later (which I highly doubt), I'll be smart enough to make a learning experience out of them. Then I can live with the scars as a reminder of the stage I currently am in. I cannot recommend mods to anyone, because desire should be enough on it's own. If I must tell you I enjoy mine in order for one to follow, then the aforementioned one should not be getting modified. Thanks for the read, and if some (any) question feels it's need to be directed to me, feel free to do so (email address is provided).
- Spencer